Individual Collectivity

Yesterday I was a part of a collective decision-making process for a group of about 60 people.

It was absolutely horrible. And incredibly educational.

I'll try not to touch on too many details, because they aren't really the point. But after taking the last few hours to process both independently and with a colleague, I'd like to share. There were several super valuable things that were highlighted for me during this 3 hour process. I can't make any promises, but I'll try to summarize them here. Here we go.

1) The quality of a decision will always be affected by the conditions under which it is made.

As much as we would like to say that the ends justify the means, the reality is that the means *impact* the ends. They can poison or prosper a decision or result that may have otherwise been healthy--even if the decision is the same. Asking someone to make a choice or come to a conclusion under duress or coercion reduces its integrity. We must combat the demands of "perfection" and urgency for urgency's sake with empathy, forethought, patience, and understanding.

2) Intent & purpose are best served explicitly.

If we don't make clear our "whys", the door remains inevitably open for everyone to assume their own "why." This would be great if we were all psychically linked. However, we're not. And where there's room to assume, there's room to folks to assume *differently.* And when we're making collective decisions by way of consensus--that, my friends, is a problem.

3) The how is important from the beginning. Process can't be an afterthought.

Yes--many of us have "built planes while in the air" and survived. But would any of us, after counting the actual cost, recommend our next flight be taken the same way? Of course not. Because as much as experience is a great teacher, it's easier to use a saw on the ground. As much as many of us would love to throw process to the wind and just "do," that's not only highly ineffective, but leaves equity to chance and typically hurts a lot of people needlessly in the process.

4) Equity is the result of intentionality.

Guess what? In 2018, capitalist "modern" society, we've all been conditioned to destroy equity and humanity. So if we aren't intentional about establishing equity, it's not going to happen. Imperialism has become imbedded in our DNA so marginalization is our default y'all. We know this.

5) The erasure of individuals is impractical & unhelpful.

As much as I appreciate the commitment to collectivity, condemning conversation that is not almost strictly "we" is problematic as well. In fact, the use of "we" when it should be "I" is used frequently to speak on behalf of those who haven't actually voiced their position. Taking responsibility for our own experiences actually requires the appropriate use of "I" statements and not assuming we have the ability to speak for others without their involvement or consent is a key piece of healthy communication.

Also, a healthy, authentic collective understands the value of the individual within the collective. The the full expression and realization of the diversity of each individual is why many of us are fighting for liberation. So as much as we embrace the "one for all" mentality, we cannot neglect the beauty of "all for one" either. While this typically slows processes down and is, for many, counter-intuitive, we have to remember that many of our intuitive behaviors have been molded by oppressive systems. Our determination to challenge our "norms" and choose equity over equality is what saves us from "mob mentality."

6) People are triune beings--mind, body, & spirit. And our decisions are impacted by all three.

Pretending we can be all knowledge and action leads to escapist (often self-harmful) choices and mental breakdowns. I have often heard the phrase "hurt people hurt people," when discussing the reasons for people making inconsiderate or harmful choices that negatively impact others. I'd like to take that a step further with, "Broken people build systems that break." If we do not do the difficult work of deconstructing our own internalized oppression as a priority than whatever we build 'after' we conquer this oppressive system will only serve to oppress in new ways. Our histories and trauma enter into every decision we make, so we have to not only be aware of them, but actively work to heal them. Oppressive systems have worked to dehumanize people for centuries--this includes the devaluing and lack of acceptance for our emotional and spiritual experience. If we are to truly work to see the humanity of all beings restored, we must begin with reclaiming our own as we do the work, not afterwards. That is what liberation looks like.

7) Bias will never be eradicated, so we have to keep good track of its location.

Even those of us with the best intentions of "balance," have bias. Every interaction we have with human beings and media shapes and develops our preconceived favor or misgivings about a situation or person. That's how we're wired for survival! So trying to achieve this unattainable goal of "impartiality" or "unbiased" anything isn't just unrealistic, it's problematic because it offers the illusion that "unbiased" is something that it's actually possible for a human to obtain. What's far more helpful is that we are able to quickly assess where our bias lies when entering a situation so that we might have the ability to filter the words we say & decisions we make through that lens to ensure that our reason for doing something isn't solely our bias for or against something.

8) Words matter. Clear communication doesn't happen by accident.

It may "all be semantics," but semantics actually has an effect on things. If we all agree to run to the nearest store in a little bit, but for some people that means a gas station within the hour and for others it's a Walmart in the next 5 minutes, we're not likely to end up at the same destination at the same time--if ever, together. As a friend of mine likes to say, "Words mean things. And people believe them." So we have to be intentional about what we say because we are certain to develop feelings/ideas and eventually act upon them. And ain't nobody got time to build houses based on misunderstanding the instructions.

Ultimately, culture is everything. All I've just said falls secondary to it. So we have to build and mold our communities with who we want to be when we arrive at our destination at the forefront of our minds. As many a cultural consultant will tell you: "Culture eats strategy for breakfast." So we can't just talk it and occasionally walk it, we've got to live it.

Good things ahead y'all. Leggo!

<3 K. Marie

What’s Really Lacking?

There’s this idea in modern-day “black” churches that what’s killing ministries is “familiarity” of leaders with those they are leading.

Another idea?

What’s killing modern-day “black” churches is the ideology of “elitism” that breeds the thought that they should not be “casual” with those they are leading combined with the “unmasking” of a true self when “familiarity,” occurs.

Who you are at church should be no different than who you are at home. That is, if your church is a true community of believers gathering for the encouragement of one another in following the will of God.

No, every single person cannot handle the responsibility of knowing your weaknesses or private business. Nor can every person know every detail of your personality & who you are. But that’s not just because of your anointing. It’s because you’re a real person dealing with real people & that doesn’t change simply because you put on a collar. There are just more people knocking at your door then there were before.

BUT, if you are who you promote yourself to be then there should be no “shell-shock” or “kickback” when they get to know “the real you.” When in ministry, getting to know you at a personal level should delve deeper into the knowledge of the same person, not reveal an entirely different identity.

What’s destroying our “black” churches is the same thing that’s destroying our “black” families & communities.

A lack of knowledge & a wealth of pride. A lack of understanding & a wealth of judgement. A lack of honesty & a wealth of costumes. A lack of faith & a wealth of jadedness. A lack of work ethic & a wealth of excuses. A lack of love & a wealth of lust.

If we would simply take the time to stop excluding ourselves from the rest of the “church,” recognizing that “the world rejecting us” is not the same thing as not putting forth the effort to obtain the tools necessary for success, we would be much better off as a people.

If we loved one another & worked together more than we sought out someone to blame for our “times of affliction,” & mistakes, we could grow into this thing commonly referred to by others as an actual community.

If we only took the time to practice what HE preached, we could become a true “we,” in which the ever dominating “them,” is welcomed & transformed into an “us.”

Don’t we all want to live in a place where people are patient & kind to one another? Not overtaken by envy, voices always boasting, out of pride. Where the majority of people aren’t selfish & constantly angry to the point of ruining the integrity & relationships of others?

Wouldn’t we all prefer a place where our mistakes aren’t held against us all the time, & people are happy when you tell (and prefer to tell you) the truth, even if it’s hard to hear? An environment where people protect each other, trust each other, & get through things together?

Now of course none of this is easy to achieve, but it is actually quite simple.

You see, faith, hope, & love prevail. But the greatest of these, is love.

Let’s have more love y’all.

Dear You..

Dear Lover of God & Adopted Sibling of Christ,

The heavens are waiting with anticipation for you to step into your position within the family & take back, with authority, everything that you have allowed the enemy to remove from your grasp. They are standing by at the ready, prepared to fight or celebrate on your behalf.

Dear Believer and Follower of the True & Living God,

Hell is watching to see whether you will employ angels, bind up demons, & tear down strong holds. They are hoping that you will remain dormant so that they can continue to run amuck in your cities, communities, and families.

Dear Child & Servant of the Great I AM,

Earth is spectating your life to see whether or not the gospel of God you proclaim is truly as powerful as you say. They are sitting forward in their chairs with interest as you demonstrate to them just what your “God” can and will do for, with, in, and through you.

Dear Disciple of Yeshua,

All of Creation is considering what you do. They yield, understanding that they can only respond to you–that their every move is determined and/or predicated by yours. They silently pause with baited breath, knowing there is nothing to discuss until after you act.

Dear Brothers and Sisters, Comrades and Co-laborers, Family and Friends, by all means, let’s give them something to talk about!

The Most Beautiful Dream

I was in the sanctuary of my church & it was totally packed. There were ppl there from every phase of my life–college, high school, various jobs I had worked, as well as those type of ppl for other members of the church & random strangers I’d never met.

Anyway, we were having service & for some reason the deacon & I were in the back kitchen area. There was a partially eaten pizza there. When he came back I told him to handle it, since we didn’t want it just sitting out & we typically didn’t keep food out in the open upstairs as there’s no eating in the sanctuary.

So I walk out into the sanctuary, leaving him behind me, and when he comes out, he goes to the pulpit with the half-full pizza box & begins to offer it to anyone who wants some. When I start to look at him crazy like, “what are you doing?!?” he gets frazzled & the pizza falls out of the box, onto the pulpit carpet.

Then my Pastor gets up & begins to publicly rebuke him.

And he turns on me. He says that I told him to do it. When I refute that & say that I didn’t it begins to come out that there are other things that he has blames me for–that he acted under my instruction, which I never gave. Then another church member chimes in from leadership & it turns into a big public argument.

Then all of a sudden ppl in the congregation, the guests in particular, begin to fret–several start crying & a couple get upset & explain why. Because they came to the House of God for Jesus, someone they were so excited to meet because of everything they’d heard about him, but this turned them all the way off. They were crying because they were so disappointed that Christ couldn’t be found here either because they had been searching for so long. They were in a distraught frenzy.

Then I stood up & addressed them. I turned to them & said that us being a Christian didn’t mean that we don’t fight…that we don’t have arguments & get upset with one another. But it means that when we get here, upset & angry, at the point of division, we can get together & kneel at the altar, taking it to Christ, the one who heals all wounds & hearts. The one whose love can make it right. The one who can bring reconciliation to the hardest of hearts. We can go down together to get rid of every weight & burden & come up unified as one again.

When I neared the end of what I was saying, the whole atmosphere began to change. The weeping turned to smiles & everyone in the room turned, with overwhelming joy, to worship! All confusion was gone & a bright light shone through the room as more & more ppl stood to worship, at the same time, on one accord. Everyone was going to the altar together with honest hearts, believing that if they all went to the altar together, they could all find what they were looking for. And as I turned to join them, the room didn’t break out in shouting or even in crying & singing that I recall. It was an inaudible sound that can only be identified as heavenly. It was a sound that overwhelmed my heart & enabled me to feel beauty all around me as people began to give themselves to Christ, on their own, without the leading of a pastor or minister–but of their own private, intimate conversations with the overwhelming presence of God that had arrived.

It was incredible. By far the best dream I’ve ever had in my life. One I don’t doubt I’ll never forget.

Just last night, I dreamed of Kingdom.

Don’t Pause Your Thoughts

In order to stand up for what you believe in, you must first know what you believe.

To fight for your rights, you must first know what your rights are.

The only way to enlighten others, is to first be enlightened.

You should not be afraid to think. It isn't a taxing task. It is harder to do the opposite. We think every moment of every day about every decision we are called upon to make.

The human brain is one of the most powerful things in this universe. It can reason. It can ignore. It can focus. It can elaborate. It can change. So put it to use.

Think about more than the color of your nail polish or what you will have for breakfast. It was made to multitask.

Think about issues facing our race as a whole. Which race? The human race. And in the least, issues facing your society.

Be it equal rights among all, discrimination for ANY reason, the war on terrorism, or world poverty & hunger.

Never pause in your thinking, because you never know when it will be your decision that will make the difference.