Favorites—an Ode to Maria

Not checking emails & getting massages,
taking a nap & then hiding my watches.
Silencing my phone to stop all the rings,
these are a few of my favorite things.

Baths that last hours & warm weighted blankets,
slowly brewed herbal tea & meditations.
Hand-written letters from friends across seas,
these are a few of my favorite things!

During work days, paying taxes,
when I’m feeling sad…
I simply remember my favorite things, & I don’t feel so bad!

Journey to Love: Then & Now

Breathing quietly as I reminisce on what once was.

Nights spent laughing and playing, watching movies on couches & beds together.

I remember the time of being carefully wooed with caring gestures, words, lyrics, sentiments and public displays of affection.

I think on the days of late night phone calls just to hear the voice on the other end of the line before going to bed.

I recall the walks all over town just to have an excuse to be in each other’s presence.

But then my heart rate increases as I am hit with the reason it all ended.

Lies, manipulation, control, & hidden motives.

Never really knew who you were….though I thought I did.

Though the product matched the picture on the menu, the description was completely falsified.

Tricked, or should I say tripped, into falling in love.

Prayed for me & I even allowed you to lay what I thought were healing hands on me…all the while not understanding how I was getting sicker.

Actually believed that God was punishing me for hurting you in some way.

All I ever wanted was the good days back, never realizing that they were only a mirage—not knowing that the snake’s venom first entered my blood stream from the IV drip you put in my arm.

Thank God for someone finally checking the fluid tap. I’d surely be dead by now otherwise.

For every Elijah who spoke your death I thank God, because as long as you lived in my life—I was dying.

I begin to relax as I come to the realization that it’s over.

In the darkest of the night, my knight arrived..

Though I barely had a pulse left when He found me, I was still alive. Barely hangin on—-but still breathing.

He lifted me in His arms, my body frail & limp—and carried me into His home.

He laid me in His bed & did not try to take advantage of me in my weakened state, but instead nursed me back to health.

He sat at my bedside telling me jokes & stories—trying to keep my mind on that which is good.

He brought me food which He made with His own hands to be sure it was pure & not tampered with.

When I was strong enough, He went for walks with me to help me build my strength up…walking close so He would be able to catch me in case my legs gave out, but letting my own muscles do as much as they could handle.

As I got stronger I began to cook for myself, making a special plate for Him—not because He asked, but because I wanted to.

My walks became runs that I could go on alone, but I’d ask Him along just because I loved His company.

I had stories of my own to tell, but I always requested to hear His jokes because, well, truth be told, laughter is the one medication that you can’t overdose on.

Though He never asked me for it or tried to take it—He had my heart. And it wasn’t just because He helped me when I was down. During the time of my recuperation we were together so much that we gained an intimate knowledge of each other. I learned the little things…the things that didn’t make it into His widely-spread reputation.

And that’s when I fell in love.

Yeah, the good guy is great, and a cool person to be friends with. But it wasn’t until I got to know Him—the real Him….on an intimate level, that I fell in love. I could lie and say I fell for Him because He rescued me from you, but that’s not even true. He was being a good Samaritan and I’m grateful for that.

But I love Him because of the way He uses His hands to help explain things when someone says they don’t understand. I love Him because of the way He presents different views on things that I never would have thought of. I love Him because of the way He just turns His head & laughs when I’m flustered. I love Him because of the way He takes a deep breath when He’s about to say something important.

I don’t love Him for what He did for me—I love Him for who He is.

And that’s the difference between now & then.

See I loved you because you made me feel special—doing so much for me, or rather, for my affection. I fell for you because your words & actions pulled me. But not for Him….for Him I jumped. No one forced it to happen. I just woke up one morning & realized I made the choice in my sleep.

So now my heart, having gone on this roller coaster ride my head just brought it through in a matter of moments is beaming a light so bright that people are telling me I’m glowing—asking for my moisturizer & skin care secrets. So I laugh & simply tell them I’m in love.

Most times they understand…nodding knowingly as they continue on their way. But other times they raise an eyebrow and say, “Wow, I wish I had a love that made me look like that…but if I looked like that, I’d probably have one!”

That’s when I look at them, smile, and say…..but you can, why don’t you let me introduce you?

Cleansing Peace

I can hear the crickets. They sound so beautiful. So constant. So dependable.

I see the sky's light show. Bright white with pink & purple at its center. So beautiful. Sporadically free. Coming & going as it pleases.

I feel the drops of water flowing ever so lightly from the sky. Silent, but for its contact with the ground & things that reside between its origin & destination.

Its soft touch reprimanding me for getting in its way & thanking me for keeping it company at the same time. Harsh yet welcoming. Hard then soft at an unknown rate. But never really stopping either. Just taking a rest.

Then the air takes over. The scent of starting anew fills my lungs.

Everything freshly cleaned. All pain washed away leaving clean slates everywhere. The sun will shine light upon every crack tomorrow morning.

But for now, tonight, the world is at peace.