What is Necessary?

You know, some days are really tough for no logical reason at all. Yesterday was one of those days. All the working Tuesday & Wednesday went so well! Great pace—even with plenty of hiccups & plan adjustments. And then yesterday happened. It would be easy to say we hadn’t gotten enough sleep or had too much to do. But truthfully, neither of those were true. It was just…exasperating. Every single little thing was hard for no reason. And the things that should have been difficult happened with ease all within 45 minutes. But everything else? Damn near painful. After it was clear several of us were struggling during check-ins at a community meeting I attended at 6:30pm, an elementary teacher who was present even led us in some breathing exercises. Then when we were asked, “how is everyone feeling after that?” someone I had spent the day with responded, “my goal isn’t to feel better because I just can’t take failing at anything else today.”

But you know what? When 11pm hit, we looked around to see that everything, somehow, had gotten done. Great food had been made & eaten. Dishes were done & spaces were clean. All the errands were finished in time. Scheduling for the next 2.5 months had been completed. Emotions were settled & even laughter was all around. The best part? We all got to sleep before midnight! Somehow, after an incredible day of ridiculous struggle—we arrived to the night whole & full.

Then this morning, all were rested & energized. And for the 1st time in a really long time, I began my leisure day with energy & peace. This, in spite of the fact that I woke up 10 minutes before I had to leave the house for my chiropractor appointment 20 minutes away.

And that gave me some perspective.

So often we wade through what feels like annoying, unfruitful, pointless struggle. And sometimes that’s true. But maybe whether a struggle is pointless isn’t actually about why it’s a struggle. It’s just dawned on me that maybe there’s more than two kinds of struggle. Maybe the idea of good struggle & bad (unnecessary) struggle leaves the valuation of some struggle invisible. And striving for only one or the other removes the possibility of unexpected fruit? Yesterday didn’t feel like good struggle—and yet our willingness to struggle rather than give up left us with meaningful progress that supported the full quality of my rest & everyone else’s labor today. Maybe it’s not as easy to determine whether a struggle is unnecessary as I’d always thought.

When I think about the past 4 days, I can’t help but make the connection to liberation work. Some days the struggle feels purposeful & fruitful. But just because it bears fruit, doesn’t necessarily mean it feels purposeful while we’re in it. And I’ve seen so many relationships & projects die because of that—because it feels “unnecessarily” difficult. I’ve been after when people have abandoned efforts & seen them come into miraculous abundance & discovery!

If we’re truly laboring to build a world we’ve never experienced except for in our dreams, how do we even know what “unnecessary” labor feels like? Our gauges of vital vs. vicious are set by global dominance & exploitation. Our minds & bodies have been socialized by a standard of suffering. So how can our judgements of what cultivates freedom be anything more than unskilled? How do we decide whether we ought to quit or keep pushing through any given struggle except from the other side? How do any of us know if something feels pointless because it doesn’t further our efforts of freedom or because it doesn’t strengthen our service of capitalism?

I think the honest answer is we don’t. I’ve been immersed in trying to figure that out for the last 5 years. Then there were all the unintentional part-time efforts for the 5 years before that. And I’m not sure I have any more of an answer now than I did when I started out.

These days I’ve learned not to interpret easy as right or difficult as best. Just as I’ve learned happiness is no better an indicator of wholeness than brooding is. Declaring something as “different” is not a valuation—it’s an assertion. And “worth it” will always be an estimate.

When I started out, I wanted to release every unnecessary struggle to focus on the ones that were important. But when it comes to figuring out which struggles are progressive & which aren’t, I think it’s time to consider a change in approach:

My goal isn’t to only be committed to “good” struggle anymore, because I’m not interested in failing at anything else right now. And maybe, somehow, after an incredible life of ridiculous struggle—I’ll arrive to the night whole & full.

Drained v. Destiny

What is it you do, that even on your most exhausting days leaves you energized & full of life & joy? That even during its worst seasons still has you making the same choice to come back each day?

A musician I know said to me tonight that when they get done playing gigs, they’re exhausted. And yet, they’re the CEO of a company & can work on that into the wee hours of the morning with not much more than a little dissatisfaction.

The book of Matthew tells us that where your treasure lies, so does your heart. And Proverbs & Luke tell us that all that we are & do flows straight out of our heart. So I think it would be reasonable to conclude that our “treasure” or “place of passion” is what I’d like to call our sweet spot. The one place we not only can do more than makes sense, but WANT to. I believe that when we’re operating in an anointed place of destiny, the more we pour out, the more we’re filled. Because our gifts make room for us & our talents (peep that wordplay) are multiplied the more we use them.

What I DON’T believe is that a place or assignment which only drains you & doesn’t refill you, is a place you’re meant to stay forever.

While in Egypt, the Hebrews learned so much. Although so greatly oppressed, they learned community, they learned resilience, they learned patience, they learned how to trust & rely on their God. They learned the power of their spirit & the strength of their faith. And something I think so many people miss--they learned how to build in such a way that centuries later their work still stands before all men to see. The reason that I can say for sure that, although difficult and unfair, it was truly their destiny to be there while they were, is because the more they were afflicted, they more they increased. Although weary, there was a grace upon them that allowed them to endure & remain standing when every one of them should have faltered as their spirits were broken.

But none of that happened.

I’d like to suppose that there are some of us out here who are living in our skill set rather than walking in our destiny. We’re getting distracted by the places that we’re comfortable, getting exhausted in the places we know we do things well simply because they’re second nature.

You see, manly assignments leave us drained & empty.

But destiny leaves us full & ready to come back for more.

Organizations Over People?

When did we start to choose entities over individuals?

And why does that remain to be okay?

Our lives should have Christ at the center, then family & intimate relationships, THEN all other institutions created for the purpose of coming together for a common goal?

When did serving our churches become of greater priority than serving our families?

There is a very distinct difference between placing God before all else & placing “church” above all other things.

There is an order that we must begin to restore to our communities or else the foundation of our society will remain shaky. Our relationship with God allows us to build families & relationships with one another. And our churches are built upon those relationships.

Now I’m not saying that we should stop going to church in order to have “family day” every week at Chuck-E-Cheese. But what I am saying is that the needs of individuals who are closest to us should surpass the wants of our church institutions. In fact, the desires & actions of our churches should be rooted & determined -by- the needs of our relationships, just as our relationships are rooted & determined by our relationship with God.

I mean honestly, how will people you love feel if you continually choose church (not God, but church itself), over them? And, of course, that’s the same way God feels when we choose people over Him. Everything suffers if we neglect the building of one level & simply move on to the next. Think Jenga–but with your life.

Our churches reflect our relationships, which reflect our relationship with God–because they are built upon one another. Is it any wonder that in a time of such separation & deviation from intimate relationships with God that we have so many broken homes, resulting in so many ineffective churches?

If we refuse to make our family & core relationships our number 2 priority after God himself, then our churches will never be strong enough to successfully replenish, restore, rebuild, & refresh our communities–or our world.